It took me years to write will you take a look

It has been a long time since I have written anything but nothing really eventful happened until today. Today was a bad day! From the time I dropped off Kate til the time I didn't get to pick her up it was stress stress stress and that is the one thing I am not suppose to being doing. We are having some set backs with this damn house and it makes me want to cry, half hormones half real concern. After that there was rumor we were going to be recalled super early tomorrow morning so I had to let Katie stay at her baby sitters so that Justin could sleep and so could she, so here I am about to go to bed alone without the two most important people in my life, well not completely alone I have baby roper :)

We also have some new house guests, Niki and her two kids Riley & Tessa. It has been so nice having them here, she is such a cool girl and such a big help. Plus Katie loves having the girls here to play with.

This weekend I am going home because my big brother is coming up too and this will be the first time ever that all four grandchildren; Kathleen, Alexia, Bryson & Lily will be together all at once. I haven't gotten to meet Bryson yet, and so excited to do so. My awesome husband couldn't get Saturday off so he is going to leave after work just to come up for Sunday and then drive back with us. He loves being with us that much!! And damn we love him too.

This weekend should bring lots of great pictures, along with some great stories. I hope I have more good stuff happen so I can write about that! Good Night all and hope there isn't this big of a drought between posts!

Nothing's gonna change my world

I know I haven't posted in a couple days but not much has really happened until yesterday. Its a hard thing to really get into especially on an open forum such as this. Many people who have emailed me and asked what happened with Kate I was glad to share. She is alright but it was not what you call an ideal situation. It happened with the CDC on base (daycare) and I removed her quickly. She is now with a better provider and I have nothing to worry about! She is happy and that is all that matters to me. I have been off a lot lately, I took some time and then this happened leaving me without daycare for a day so I took some more time, but next week I start additional duties at work so I should have fuller days from now on which will be nice because the days will go faster. I am painting and relaxing this weekend!! YAY!! That's all I really have for now, so thanks for checking in!!

Got a good reason for taking the easy way out

Today was as boring of a day as it can get and it was so nice!! We did nothing but lay around the house, play and I got to catch up on Grey's Anatomy! We were going to go get more pumpkins but it was raining in the morning and Chachi was still sleeping so it can wait another weekend. The apple picking took a lot out of all of us! I had a blast with my mom and Lily, I love when they come down. But there isn't much more to say since not much happened. Thanks for checking in.

All you need is love

Today was a wonderful day! I really didn't get to sleep in because puppies woke me up but other than that it was good. My mom and my neice Lily are down visiting for the weekend and we had a big day planned at a local farm, mainly to pick apples. We took our time getting ready and headed out for some lunch. Katie loves Lily, or Wily as she calls her. Why she uses the W sound with her name and the R sound for all other Ls Ill never know. She shared her food with her and tried to help entertain her throughout lunch. While we were eating we looked outside and it was raining! Just our luck, but knowing Delaware we decided the 10 miles we were going there was a very good chance it wouldn't be raining there, and we were right. Infact when we arrived at the farm it was more that beautiful, it was starting to get really hot!!

They had so much to do on this little farm and we must have spent about 5 hours there. We brought the wagon for the girls to ride a long in as we toured the farm. First the girls got their faces painted and got some pictures on a giant pumpkin. Then we had ice cream, went on a hayride and then we picked some apples. Katie wanted to pick and carry the apples all by herself, which was pretty entertaining. Every apple she wanted to pick had to be the one just above her head so that when she did pull it off the tree it fell on the ground first. Then watching her carry a bag full of apples was very cute as well...they were heavy. We were going to do the corn maze but thought it would be better if Chachi was with us.

On our way home from the farm we stopped and bought some Mums for my front yard, which took up the rest of my afternoon while everyone napped. I weeded, planted and landscaped the front yard. After that I came inside to watch some Notre Dame football and bake an apple crisp. Katie helped and also decorated little pumpkins we got from the farm. It was fun baking and playing with her even though ND scared the crap outta me, but in the end won in over time.

The rest of the night we spent grilling and chilling. Chachi even got to come home for a little bit to have dinner with us, which was really nice. Today marked my 6th week of pregnancy, we lost two of the three babies at this point and just knowing the doctor saw that heartbeat made the day easier to enjoy!

But the best part of the whole day was Alexis called and wanted to talk to me. It was so nice to talk to her and hear about her day and everything she has been up to. She is such a sweetheart and we miss her everyday.

Let it be

I went into work today for a half day and it turned into all day but I just didn't spend it all at work. I started getting really sharp pains in my belly so I called the doctor and they had me come in right away. My doctor went over some stuff with me, and actually told me why I lost the last one, can you believe they never told me? It was chromosomes, they were all wrong and the pregnancy terminated itself so there would be no further complications. After an exam he sent me for another ultrasound. During the ultrasound I was so upset because the technician would not show me the screen even though she stared at it intensely. I asked her what she saw and she responded, the same thing they saw on Monday which was just a yolk sac. She said she thought she might see a fetal pole but was unsure if it was truly one. Then she did a Doppler sound wave on it and said she saw nothing, no heartbeat yet. She pretty much gave me no hope. Before the ultrasound I had given blood so I went back to the lab and asked if I could hang around and get the HCG results, after about an hour I got them...they just passed doubling from 6 days ago so I was really worried they weren't progressing. I left there feeling so unhopeful.

Right as I stepped into the house my cellphone went off, it was my doctor's nurse. She asked if it was me and I of course said yes and then she says, "Congratulations you have a viable pregnancy!" I'm stunned and go are you sure, the technician said she didn't see anything, what are you talking about? She then told me to hold and I could talk to my doctor. He said I reviewed the ultrasound and found a heartbeat of 109!! I couldn't believe it, I even kept asking him it was actually my ultrasound and he kept spitting off my information saying yes its you, are you this, or you that? I of course answered yes to every question but kept saying are you sure my name isn't just on someone else's ultrasound. He swore that it was mine and that he would double check just for me but he said he heard it! So I feel good now. I feel happy now. I cant believe we have gotten this far!!!

Now my mom and niece lily are up and tomorrow we are going apple picking, it doesn't get better than this. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good thoughts, they went a long way. I couldn't do any of this without your support!!

I think I know, I mean, a yes, but it's all wrong

Today started out just like every other day except Katie wasn't dry this morning. I have no idea what makes a dry night and what doesn't, we have the same routine every night! The morning was nice as always, we heard them talk about us on the radio! Every morning on our way to work we listened to a radio station that had "Breakfast with the Beatles", everyday at 0635 they would play two Beatles songs. Katie actually looked forward to it as did I. Well they did away with it, and Katie seemed a little upset. She kept asking, where are my Beatles? So I emailed the radio station and explained about Katie's love for the segment. They said they weren't going to bring it back but anytime Katie wanted to hear a song I just had to call, I hope they like playing Yellow Submarine.

Today at work was pretty normal except I spent the whole morning out running errands for the shop and then came back and did nothing. I work a half day tomorrow and then I am off until next Wednesday. Sweet huh? I need some time to focus on me and what Tuesday brings. We did get in some reservist to help out with the work load we have and the cool thing is one of the girls is from Carlisle, she was a freshman when I was a senior but it's still cool to work with someone that grew up in the same place I did!

It is official Katie is no longer going to be at the CDC come November 1st. You would think after I complained yesterday that things would have gotten better, but no they actually became worse. When I dropped her off this morning she was wearing this cute little sweater dress over pants because it didn't get any warmer than 50 degrees today. Those sweater dresses go perfectly with jeans. Anyway I come to pick her up and apparently she had another accident and instead of grabbing one of the 3 pairs of jeans I keep there for just such an occasion, they decide not to put anything on and let her play outside in just the sweater dress and a coat! My kid does not get sick that often so it looks like they are just trying to lessen their work load by getting my kid sick!! They are mindless drones if you ask me, and I am going to be so happy when she is with Lesleigh and not them.

The only good thing about today is I received her fall school pictures, I had no intention of buying them but just so happens the day she took the pictures (which I never had any warning about) she was wearing her little Notre Dame outfit against a fall background. I knew my family was going to want some of those, so I bought them. There were three shots, 2 she is looking at the camera and one she isn't but they did get her to pose for them. I cant find my scanner but I'm hoping I will soon so I can share them.

Katie had her tutor today and like always when I went to go pick her up, she didn't want to leave. I swear that lady must think I beat her or something because she never wants to go home with me!! It is a good thing that she loves going there and that she is keeping her Japanese up but I wish it was easier to pick her up!

After I finally dragged her out of the tutor we stopped by Chachi's work to take him some food and eat with him. It was nice to have that time with him since we only see him 3 nights a week. I just finished watching the office and it is time for bed, yay I get to cuddle my little girl.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday!! My mom and Lily are coming down, Saturday we are going apple picking and then going to bake some yummy apple treats. Then Sunday we are going to a pumpkin farm for lots of fun fall stuff like hayrides, haunted woods and good food!! It is going to be a wonderful weekend, then Monday I get to relax and Tuesday's the big important Ultrasound!!

Thanks for reading and the support. I love you guys.

Living is easy with eyes closed

Today was pretty uneventful. Katie did wake up dry today!! The ride to work was very quiet because she never really woke up until we arrive to the school. Work was pretty uneventful and boring as well. I pretty much do one thing a day, and then sit around and wait for someone to ask me to do some task that takes 5 minutes. I am not really complaining because it is the good life but it does make the day go by so much slower.

The un-eventfulness stopped when I arrived at Katie's "school". I go to pick her up and she is sitting down having a snack. We are walking down the hall and I notice that for the 8th time her shoes are on the wrong feet and she wet her pants. This on top of her not having her coat on to play outside because and I quote, "you know how kids her age are, sometimes they just don't want to wear a coat." She is three years old, she doesn't get to decide whether she wants to wear a coat or not!! Just like when she hurt her fingers and I told you that she needed the bandage on all day and you told me, "She didn't feel like having it on" and then let her play in sand... I finally got sick of it and asked to talk to someone today. Everything this lady said to me was, "Well some kids..." Lady I'm not talking about some kids, I'm talking about mine, mine which I know a lot about and know her habits, don't try to tell me about some kids!! They aren't learning anything there but attitude and I feel those children are just like sheep, just herded here and there and not given any individual attention.

But I am going to put her two weeks notice in and Lesleigh is going to take care of her! She will hopefully take on one or two more kids including the one in my belly :) and then Katie will have playmates along with some personal attention, all for a lower price. Now you can't beat that. Having someone you trust and knows loves your daughter take care of her when you can't! I am so happy this happened or maybe we never would have figured this out!

That was pretty much my day. Now I am going to finish folding a little more laundry, give KateKate her tubby and cuddle with her in bed and watch some TV together. I really miss Chachi while he is on nights but I am really loving this mommy-daughter one on one time Katie and I have been having.

Oh I forgot the most important news of the day, my next ultrasound is Tuesday and I'm getting my progesterone checked tomorrow. No more HCG tests, only ultrasounds now. My doctor is more involved and really set on doing everything we can to get this baby to stick. Hopefully we get good news on Tuesday, I would hate for this to be my last week pregnant. Prayers, good thoughts, chants, spells and anything else you have or believe in is really needed. Thank you guys for your love and support.

I'm so glad that she's my little girl

The day started out better than usual. Katie woke up right away and seemed to be in a good mood. She popped right up when I said Good Morning KateKate. She quickly noticed that she had wet the bed and apologized. I told her that it was alright, she will get it soon enough. We decided that when there were no more pull-ups, we were going to attempt sleeping without them again. Before we moved back to the states she was doing very well with it but all the changes we recently went through made her regress. Hopefully she will get back to sleeping through the night dry soon. She proceeded to go through a few cranky moments but by the time we were in the car to leave she was little miss sunshine. As always she asked to hear Robot (Mr. Roboto by Styx) I like to think she relates to him because he has parts made in Japan too. When we got onto base she asked if she could go to work with me but with regret I had to say no, but I did tell her I would take her to lunch today even though it wasn't our regular day.

The guys at work are doing their best to keep me distracted from the problems at hand and 80% of the time it works but there are still moments where I am in my head too much. I really don't have a good feeling about anything and I am scared, but what can I do? I just have to wait this week out and hopefully my intuition is wrong. God has a plan for us and I just have to have faith. A good thing is that we installed a TV in our back offices today. Not only is the TV entertaining in itself but watching TSgt Smart and MSgt Cottuli hanging it was even more amusing. They are like the Odd Couple in real life, but with joking aside these two men have been really understanding towards my pregnancy. They both understand how high risk I am and they haven given me time off along with calling off duty to make ensure I am alright. Even Sgt Smart's wife has offered to come help me out with Kate since Justin works nights and will be leaving for a month soon. It is really comforting to have them watching out for me and my baby.

At lunch time I went to pick up Katie and had didn't have the slightest idea of where I wanted to eat. We are still pretty new to the area and all I wanted was a soup & salad bar, but wasn't sure there were even any restaurants around here like that. Where is a Hoss' when you need them?Anyway we decide to drive down the main road in town & see if anything looked appealing and of course nothing did. During the ride Katie is talking my ear off making me smile at every turn. First she starts out singing this version of Row, Row, Row your boat that I have never heard before: "Row,Row, Row your boat gently down the stream. If you see the Alligator don't forget to scream. Ahhhhhhhhhh" It was too cute!! She then starts talking about the baby; I am all about child intuition because I believe their souls are pure and their answers as true as can be. So I ask her, "Is the baby alright?" and she responds yes. I ask her if I can keep the baby and she says, "Sure why not?" Then I ask her if it's a girl or a boy. Before I tell you her answer I should tell you that lately even though every one thinks I want a girl, I now want a boy. I was thinking it over and I am blessed with the relationship I share with Katie. With our family being "mixed" I feel that her being my only (by birth) daughter we have a connection that could remain strong throughout the years and I could gain that wonderful bond between a mother and her son, as Amanda explained to me, without jeopardizing our relationship. If by chance I am blessed with a girl I know I will be over the moon and I will find some way to keep that bond between Kate & me strong. I could never love one child more than another, but I do believe you can have different bonds with them as they are different people. But back to the question I asked her, will it be a boy or girl? She said,"It's a girl mommy, so she can be just like us." I try to talk her into a boy because she absolutely loves Kaiden but with no avail. Hopefully her child intuition is correct and this baby is alright, that's all that matters in the end! Even Chachi, who was so head strong about wanting another boy said that we have reached that point where the gender is not important, we just want a healthy child.

We traveled all the way down that main road and back without seeing anything appealing. With us so close to making a complete circle and ending back on base, one last restaurant appeared on our side of the road; TGI Fridays is our destination. As I perused the menu, not seeing a single thing I was in the mood for (earlier I had a nice bout of the "morning" sickness) but then I noticed that they had French Onion Soup. Now since leaving Japan I have yet to find a French Onion Soup that is anywhere near the master piece they had at the Eclub on base. They are always way too seasoned and end up tasting like a big crouton in broth but I thought maybe the 5th time's a charm. I ordered the soup and a salad while Kate enjoyed Pizza and oranges. The waitress Victoria was really sweet, she brought us a free appetizer of chips and salsa which Kate did not eat but instead proceeded to lick each of red colored chips and put them back. When the waitress dropped off our check she informed me that on Tuesday's kids eat free!! So, not only did we finally find the good soup, but Kate eats free, Yeah our weekly lunch dates have officially moved to Tuesdays...at Fridays!!

Tonight I felt like cooking! I had some meat that was already defrosted that I had to use. I thought about what else I had and it all seemed it would go together well in a pepper. So I stopped by the store on my way home and bought 2 large green bell peppers and 2 red ones. The meat I had was brats, I really had to use them and I didn't feel like grilling. I took them out of the package and removed the skin covering. Then cooked them over the stove with some chopped onions, olive oil and pepper. I also cooked up some rice pilaf to finish off the stuffing. Once I had all cooked I stuffed them into the pepper with layers of shredded cheese which I also piled on top. Baked them at 350 for about 30-45 minutes, I like the peppers still a little crispy. I am surprised how well they turned out!!

The rest of the night was spent playing a little rockband with Chachi and a friend of his while Katie danced & played around us. Overall despite everything I have been going through with every horrible thought that passed through my head and every saving prayer I have said, it was a good day! Thanks for reading today!

A Day in the Life

Hey guys!! Well today was an intresting day to say the least. I should have known it was going to go badly with how I went to bed and woke up. The night before I had been up until 0030 with the puppies because they were so full of energy and their cage full of poop, can it get more fun than that? Well because of that I decided to let Chachi take care of Kate the next day, whether that meant him taking her to school or keeping her home for the day. So I started my day out without Kate and even though I got an extra hour of sleep, it was a boring ride into work. Usually we sing Beatles songs all the way in or Styx depending on her mood lol. Today it was silence.

I get to work and decide to call the wonderful people that call themselves my doctors and to see what they think of my HCG results. I am only 5 weeks and they are already 17000 and more than doubling every 2 days which can mean a lot of bad things. Anyway they think that I am on the same path that I was with my last lost which was 3 months ago and resulted in a D&E. So they sent me in today for an ultrasound which I knew it was going to be too soon to see much but at least they could rule out a couple things. We went in and all they could see was a yolk sac which ruled out molar pregnancy and even a blighted ovum, but we still don't know if the baby will form all we can do is pray. I should go back in at the beginning of next week. Do you know how long this week is going to be?? On the upside every person I work with has been more than understanding and supportive, I really feel like we have that old time POL family going on here.

I am blessed that I have an amazing support system of friends, you just look at those on my Facebook alone that surround me with positive outlooks and moral support. I don't know what I would do without them. My family is amazing too, my husband has taken on a lot of the duties that I usually do to relieve me of extra work. He can't help all the time due to his 12 hour night shift schedule but he has been trying a lot more lately which really helps, today alone I have not had to do much of anything. My mom keeps me going with support & laughter the only way our family knows how to keep going, if there is no laughter your doing it wrong...which usually creates the joke. Anyway my biggest help of all is of course KateKate. Oh my God where would I be without that little girl? I have to keep reminding myself that some people aren't as lucky as I am, they have never been blessed with any children no matter how long they have been trying or what extra medical procedures they have gone through. I at least have her, my miracle. Even on her worst days, which are few and far between she is the most amazing little girl who constantly gives me reasons to smile!

Well that is it for right now and pretty much my day so far. My only plans for tonight are to cuddle up in bed and watch the awesome Monday night line up on CBS, YAY for How I Met Your Mother!!!!! hahah okay I'm off now, thank you for reading and thank you for the support. I love you guys.